Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
