honey bunches of taint.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I party with great urgency now.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
The air taste purple.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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