So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
