he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
In America we eat man semen.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
