i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
