fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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