you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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