Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
