i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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