The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
