I just cut my nipple shaving
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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