An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
