The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
