we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
