my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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