so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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