saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
