how can u be prego again
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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