She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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