It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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