You just made me feel so damn special
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
