its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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