You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
