Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
