yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
