Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Randomize
