What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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