How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
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I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
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Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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