She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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