so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Princesses don't give blow jobs
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
