Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
