How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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