So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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