i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
