he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
two words: eviction party
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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