my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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