Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
