How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
