I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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