Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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