Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
