You just made me feel so damn special
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
