I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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