why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
