dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Vodka?
Forever.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
