foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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