sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
