Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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