I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
