Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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