Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
