he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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