the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
it glows. i had to have it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
