I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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