had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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