Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
