Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
