I think my vagina is haunted
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
