I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
