Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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