They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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