I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
