M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize