i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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