I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
