i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
