It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
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She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
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Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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