Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
