And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
