My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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