so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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