her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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