I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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