the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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