Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
