i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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