I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
